28th August 2012 -
I have to say, it feels so strange writing on here at the minute. I hardly ever post anymore, but so much has happened lately, I just feel really confused.
Over the past few months or so, I've been dealing with some issues which I haven't really told anyone about and have kept to myself, purely for the fact that I would rather deal with it myself than have to rely on others to help me through it. And only lately do I really feel like I've over come these issues, even if only slightly.
I've had so much happen in the past few months! Including my mum's 50th Birthday party, going on holiday (where I felt a parrot and a snake) and deciding to go abroad to Turkey next year! (my first time on a plane!), finishing school, and my 18th birthday just three days ago. Although this might not feel like a lot, personally, I feel that I'm starting to grow as a person, including taking more risks and it's made me realise that I will only live once, so what does it matter what I do? I'm not going to die just because I take a chance in life am I?!
There is another issue which I'm not going into detail about, but it's made me realise how horrible I was during a certain period of my life, and that I have made some really bad choices and decisions, but that it's not fair of me to stand in the way of something that could be really wonderful for somebody else. Although it's going to be really difficult for me to adjust to this change, I think for me to become a better person and a more grown up version of myself, I really need to try my hardest to be okay with it. I think everybody has had something happen to them which means they can relate to what I'm talking about.. Unless you don't understand where I'm going with this, in which case I should just kill myself.
I start college next week and I have to admit, I haven't exactly been excited about starting. I've already had some problems with applying and I think it's shaken my trust in the people there and I've got it into my head that I'm going to hate it, therefore I am not the least bit excited like I was previously. Which is quite sad really; very disappointing!
On a good note! I got a very nice amount of money for my birthday, so I've ordered myself some all Star converse's in white :D plus I got a rather large gift card for New Look! My favourite shop :D so I went and spent that today, got some nice new jewellery :) and I also have some more shopping to do later in the week! Because I want to buy myself a ring so that I will always remember the night of my 18th party, which was absolutely amazing, even if the picture are absolutely disgusting and I ended up throwing up 4 times! haha :') but hey, thats the sign of a good night I guess ;)
Until next time..
