Vie.

9th April 2010 -

Well yesterday was good, went for a walk, the weather was nice, made some new plans for the next week or so. And then today turns out to be just another shitty day of the week. I'm actually fed up of the holidays, all I seem to be fucking doing is sat in my fucking room watching Sex and the fucking City. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!.. Okay, it's out of my system, sorry. I’m just really fed up at the moment, I’m starting to actually miss school, at least I have something to do when I’m there, plus I get to see my friends and have a laugh. I’m just getting a sense of what my life might be like when I actually leave school, and if it involves getting up at 10 o’clock everyday, getting ready, and then sitting in my room all day by myself watching TV, then I’d honestly much rather stay at school. I don’t want to be this person, I’ve watched my sister become this person and I don’t want to be like her. Harsh I know, but true, and I’ve watched how her life turned out; I’ve watched her be happy, then mess it up for herself, I’ve watched her go out basically every night and getting in every morning and feeling like crap, I’ve watched her go from school, to work and her realising this is not how she wanted her life to work out, I’ve watched her throw her life away and instead of trying to sort it out and salvage some of her life, she seems to just make it worse. But it’s not just her; my mum has always given us hints that she wishes her life would have worked out differently. I don’t want to follow in their foot steps; I’d actually like to accomplish something in my life that doesn’t involve any complications like miscarriages or divorces; I just want my life to be simple, but amazing. I want to experience amazing things, go to fantastic places and share it all with wonderful people. And I’m afraid that I’m either not going to be able to do this, or my life’s going to take a completely different turn than what I wanted; I’m going to loose those wonderful people in my life, I’m not going to be able to get to those fantastic places and those amazing experiences won’t be as good as I imagined. But hey, maybe you don’t get to pick the road that your life drives along; you just have to deal with it.